✿ ✿ ✿ THE TRICK TO HOLDING ON... ✿ ✿ ✿
I sincerely believe that, for better or for worse, every interaction, action, and experience impacts and develops our character and identity. Yet, while the effect of an event may be everlasting, it is all temporary. This section of my portfolio is dedicated to all the good moments-- all the things I wish I could replay, extend, or keep for just a little bit longer. These are the aspects of who I am that are derived from positive experiences that didn't fit as linearly or thematically into the other stories within my portfolio, or where I wanted to give them the space to be shared authentically rather than crafted to fit the narrative of that section. Messily, joyfully, and and in no particular order, these are the things I want to hold onto forever.
Pictured to the right is a Taylor Swift poem titled "The Trick to Holding On." Ever since it was shared in the reputation era, I've found its sentiment resonating, reminding me that looking back and looking forward occurs at the intersection of the present. In this way, I have also come to see it as a dialectic-- holding on and letting go as seemingly opposite things that must be understood holistically in order to be understood individually. Thus, the last two sections of my portfolio are dedicated to what it is I want to hold onto and what I will be letting go of.
junior president's medalist
It was winter break of my senior year when I got this slightly ominous, vague, yet intriguing email:
Honestly, I was confused and unsure of its legitimacy-- I had never received something directly from the president before, plus I didn't know this award existing nor had I applied to it. I called the office and distinctly remember asking if it was real and if I could get excited about it, and when I was kindly affirmed that I had been selected, my mom and I celebrated in tears while finishing our chicken nuggets in my hometown mall's parking lot. It is a sweet, spontaneous, and silly memory I hold dearly.
The next few months whizzed by as the recipient announcement was prepared and the luncheon coordinated. In this time, I got to have a photoshoot done, provide some information to be included in my biography, and invite my biggest supporters to the event-- which included my parents, my fiance's mom (as he was in Indiana for school), and my former-7th--grade-math-teacher, Mr. Dickman. Below is a snapshot into what this experience was like:
Receiving the President’s Medalist Award feels surreal to me. At such a big institution, surrounded by so many diverse, accomplished, and ambitious peers, despite my own accomplishments, imposter syndrome has felt like an inevitable and looming voice in the back of my head. I rarely feel like I have done enough or done well enough, and although my reasoning for getting involved across campus and academic striving has never been for the recognition, there was a sense of validation that I felt when I was told I was a recipient of this award– and I want to hold on to that feeling of being seen.
phi beta kappa
Phi Beta Kappa is another thing that required me to do some digging before I could assess its legitimacy. I'm not sure if I blame being a first-generation college student and just not being aware of what awards and recognition are reputable in the world of academia, or if we simply live in a time where skepticism must precede fabulous news... either way, after researching and reaching out to peers, I came to the understanding that Phi Beta Kappa is a real organization and is something to be proud about!
The induction ceremony-- which officiated me into this honor society-- was unlike anything I had participated in before, and it took place at the end of my junior year making it one of the first experiences of the end of my graduate experience coming to an end. I got to sign a fancy book that contained the names of all my fellow UW Phi Beta Kappa members, and as our names were called out, we walked to the front of the Kane lecture hall and signed our names two spaces below the one before. It was all oh-so-fancy and official, and though I felt a little bit out of place at times, it was exciting and fun to share that experience with my parents.
I am holding on to my hard work that led me there, first-gen memories with my parents, and my favorite pose with one of the Phi Beta Kappa chapter officials!
getting into my psych major
I wrote the following section in autumn 2023, right after, as you will read, I had gotten accepted into my psych major. At the time, this was one of my biggest, most tangible accomplishments in college. Looking back on it now, I wish I could tell that version of myself what more she would achieve-- not in an attempt to hinder or diminish her pride, but to show her what bigger things she could look forward to. Nonetheless, I want to hold onto this enthusiasm and gratitude.
I was sitting in one of my 8:30 a.m. classes, and during a brief content transition interlude, I noticed an email notification. Curiously, I scanned the subject: "Psychology Application Status." I wondered if my peers could hear the sudden change in heart rate when an internal brawl broke out about whether I should open the email and satisfy my eagerness to see if my undergraduate academic journey would have an official title or if I should wait until I was in a space of more presence and safety, in case my fate encompassed rejection. In a spontaneous sweep, a motion unlike my usual thoughtfulness, I clicked the heading and was readily met with the joy of "Congratulations!"I did it! In the span of a few minutes, waiting for my professor to return to the lecture, I texted those close to me who would share my radiating relief and happiness. I texted my best friend, boyfriend, mom, dad, and former teachers. With exclamation points like oxygen, I encapsulated my excitement with enthusiastic punctuation and emojis. How do you convey the reassurance of sense of self with urgency? Moments later, I received numerous reciprocated messages of joy, and I sat with that academic high for the rest of my day. I did it. To have longed for university since I could comprehend it, to drive my passions on the necessary assumption that I would find my place in my desired major someday, and to wait patiently for nearly 5 weeks to see if my years of anticipating this moment to occur would result in my favor was an emotional journey. The ability to erase the preface of "intended" when describing my studies to strangers and peers and family is liberating. I am a Psychology major, and I am holding on to this excitement for the rest of my academic career!
football games
My roommate and I bought Dawg Pack tickets for the first two years of being at UW, and we surely got our money's worth! As much as possible, we decked out in purple and gold, bundled up as the season got colder, and spent our with our dubs up and out. I loved getting watch the band and reconnect with some of my marching band friends and, if I'm being totally honest, the halftime shows were my favorite part. I never really cared about the football-- of course I would have liked to see UW win-- but I just loved being immersed in an environment of proud huskies. It made my college experience feel like the movies!
I am holding on to football games (and the occasional basketball) with Sammy and friends!
concerts
Concerts are, and have always been, my favorite hobby, my greatest escape, and motivation to get through whatever I have going on. To me, there is nothing better than having a concert date on my calendar and counting down the days until I get to hear live music again. Whether a Friday show to end the week or a random Tuesday that made getting up for my 8:30am class the next day feel impossible, music is always worth it to me. I recognize the privilege it is to both be in a position to purchase concert tickets, as well as exist in a city that uplifts and centers itself on music with so many venues and events happening all of the time. Thus, below is a gallery of all of the concerts I've gotten to experience during my undergraduate years here in Seattle.
